


stuck in your head (or something like it)

by BunheadKitKat19



Series: thoschei one-shots [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bickering, F/M, Mentioned River Song, Post-Episode: 2015 Xmas The Husbands of River Song, Snark, aka the doctor needs a break from shit and it gets cut short, hallucination, kind no real plot, missy being a bored cat, sexual innuendo but nothing major, this isn't rlly a ship thing, very messy lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23588485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunheadKitKat19/pseuds/BunheadKitKat19
Summary: Missy is there. Or is she? The Doctor can't tell. All he knows is he wants whatever this is, a hallucination or mental link or however else, would end.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Series: thoschei one-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641064
Kudos: 12





	stuck in your head (or something like it)

**Author's Note:**

> I had what I thought would be a really hilarious idea of the Master being in the Doctor's head, inspired by that time in Supernatural when Lucifer was in Sam's head and was constantly nagging him. Someone wrote a really angsty thing which I LOVED and I tried to do comedy but this disaster happened instead.

After Durillium, the Doctor was a mess. Of course, he was a mess! He’d never get to see River again… 

He decided to take a break from companionship. It never ends well, anyways. River was doomed to end in heartache, from the moment he met her in that damned library. He considered giving it a visit, but decided against it. It’d be too painful, at least for now. Maybe some other time, he’d say. He always said that. He never went. And then there was that impossible girl, ripped from his memories. He tried finding her, but why should that have worked? There was the Ponds, who he endangered too many times, and Donna… poor Donna. Maybe he could visit her grandfather?

“No, can’t risk it. And, y’know, let’s just stop this rewind, okay?” he shouts into an empty TARDIS. 

“It’s your mind, Darling,” a voice replies. 

“Shut up Missy,” the Doctor snaps back. Wait. Missy?

He looks up, not sure whether he’d rather see the other Time Lord or not, but sure enough, she’s there. Or at least it looks like it. 

“You can’t be here,” he mutters. 

“Oh, can’t I? Where is ‘here,’ anyways?” The Doctor simply ignores her question, busying himself adjusting the TARDIS. 

“We both know that you’re not actually fixing this bloody ship,” she says. 

“And you know this how, exactly? It’s not like you’re any better with TARDISes.” 

“Because I’m in your heeaaad!” She replies with a sing-songy voice and a maniacal laugh. “But also you're not wearing those adorable goggles of yours. You tend to get quite messy when you’re _really_ working.” 

The Doctor just grumbles and leans back against the TARDIS, burrowing his head in his hands. 

“You’re not really here, just go away.”

“Hey! Stop ignoring me!” 

“-not really here, just in your head, not really-”

“I’M HERE!” she screams. 

“Prove it.” The Doctor looks right up at her as she steps backward in defeat. 

“Okay. Fine. My body isn’t here. But do you seriously think that of allllll the people you know, the one person you’d hallucinate is me?” 

“Who else?” 

“Your wife River, maybe?” The Doctor just glares at her. 

“Ooh, guess I hit a nerve there. Whatever happened to your Durillium bliss?” 

The Doctor stands up and walks out of the console room as if Missy isn’t even there at all. He finds himself in the library, so he starts pulling out some random books from the vast array of shelves. 

“Oooh, trying to occupy your mind. Good luck with that,” Missy laughs. “I know that I can be quite… distracting.” 

The Doctor keeps pulling down books until both arms are full, and plops down on one of the sofas. He grabs the book on top: an original edition of Don Quixote in Spanish. 

“Oooh, everyone loves a fool-hearted hero,” Missy comments, as he starts flipping through the pages. At least it looks like that, but he’s actually reading every single word of the story. It’s a good distraction, anyway. Don Quixote is-

“Such a pudding brain, am I right?” Missy says aloud, finishing his exact thought. 

The Doctor keeps reading. 

“Oh pleaaaaaase,” Missy fake begs. “I’m so BORED!” She flops back on a couch just opposite of him, sprawling out and making herself right at home. 

“Shut up,” he replies. 

“Aw, he talked to me,” Missy says with an exaggerated gasp, snickering at the Doctor rolling his eyes. 

* * *

Several hours passed as the Doctor sped through a hundred different books. He even forced himself through a multivariable calculus textbook: anything to occupy his mind enough to ignore Missy’s constant nagging. Although his plan wasn’t foolproof, quite frequently getting sidetracked by a wide range of comments from ‘what’s so interesting about humans, anyways?’ to ‘you don’t need to play hard to get,’ and ‘if you’re going to keep this up, at least give me something nice to look at without your stupid coat blocking the view.’ But even after all that, Missy wouldn’t get out of his head, or whatever it was that’s happening. 

He rushes into the console room, rummaging through random storage spaces. 

“What in the name of insanity are you searching for?” Missy asks. 

The Doctor smirks when he pulls out a large wrench. 

“Finally.”

“What is it,” she whines. 

“An escape!” The Doctor swings his arm behind his head and

WHAM.

* * *

“Helloooooooooooo!” 

Everything’s so bright, and his head is screaming. Nope. He shuts his eyes again.

* * *

“Doctor? Are you alright?” Someone asks. Not Missy. 

“Thank GOD!” he says, abruptly sitting upright causing whoever it was with him to jump back. Blinking several times, the Doctor finally recognizes who it is. 

“Nardole? How did you get here?” 

“Ship crashed right by me.” 

The Doctor looks around the TARDIS, trying to figure out what happened. 

“Oh, don’t look at me,” Missy replies. 

“Shit.” 

“What is it?” Nardole asks. 

“You seriously didn’t think I was that easy to get rid of did you?” Missy taunts. 

“Go away,” the Doctor grumbles. 

“Geez, I was just-”

“No, not you Nardole.”

“Meee?!?” Missy asks with a tone of fake innocence. 

“Yes you, who else.” 

“Nardole!” 

“Who are you speaking to?” Nardole asks. 

“Be quiet!” 

“But I looove the sound of my voice, don’t you?”

“Wh-what’s-”

“Would you just-”

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, he doesn’t notice me!”

“Just SHUT UP!” The Doctor finally shouts, effectively silencing the others. 

“My my, then. Look who’s gotten all agitated,” Missy mumbles. 

“You, give me a minute,” the Doctor says waving a hand at Nardole, staring off into what Nardole thinks is space but is actually where Missy has perched herself in the room. 

“Alright, Missy. What do you want.” 

“Who, me? Why would you think I want anything?” 

“You always want something. Last I remember you wanted me to be like you. Guess that’s a bit of a change of pace from your usual ‘world dominions,’ but there’s always something.”

“Can’t I just want some time with my oldest friend?”

“If you were anyone else, yes. But you’re you, so no.”

“Oh.” 

At this point, Nardole gives up listening to this wildly confusing one-sided conversation with this ‘Missy’ and just heads down one of the corridors with no resistance from either Time Lord. He’s long been forgotten. 

“Doctor,” Missy says, seriously. “What do you think I am?”

“A pain in the arse.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know.” 

“I just want you out of my head.”

“You think I _want_ to be in your head?” 

“So you are in my head,” the Doctor says with a grin. 

“What? No, I said I don’t want to be there.” 

“You’re a hallucination then?” 

“You tell me.” 

The Doctor doesn’t know how to respond. At this point, he isn’t sure what to believe. Either he’s hallucinating Missy, or Missy is somehow here, with him, at this exact minute. And since she survived him knocking himself out…

“I lose my wife, and you’re what I get instead?” 

“Oh please, River is no match for me. So? Am I real?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Oh! What makes you say that?”

“Experience.”

“Oh? Do you often find yourself hallucinating your oldest friend? What makes me different?”

The Doctor scowls, to which Missy flashes a wide grin. It’s just fun for her, pushing the Doctor’s buttons, irritating him from time to time. 

“Contact…” he whispers.

“What are you doing?” 

“Sh!”

Missy nods, giving him two thumbs up. 

“Contact… Why isn’t this working.” 

“Hello!” Missy says, hopping down from the ledge she’d been sitting on.

“So you’re in my-”

“Mind? Of course, I am!” she replies with a giggle. 

“Why?”

“Why not?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Anyways idk if I should go anywhere with this or not. I'm just gonna leave it as is unless I get more inspiration. leave any thoughts below


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